It’s hard to believe that my little Chico boy has been gone for one week and one day. Sometimes it seems like forever, the absence seems so total. I still cry every day. Some people may think it is silly to cry so much over an animal. But those of us who consider animals to be members of our family, it is not hard to imagine. I know I am not the only one, I have talked to so many of my friends who have lost their pets recently and we all feel the loss as deep as any family member.
I am one of those people who talks to their animals all of the time, I miss talking to him. I have called my other dog by Chico’s name so many times and I’m not the only one in my house to do so. We all feel his loss, although I am the only one to talk about it. It is harder than I ever thought it would be. For years I knew the day would come, all of us know that our pets will usually not outlive us, unless we have a large bird or a tortoise. For those of us who have furry children, we know that it is only a matter of time. My other dog…that term is so not fair to my poor Scrappy…but for now that is who he is, I can’t bring myself just to say, my dog. Scrappy is a good boy too, very sweet, and I am his favorite human. At least most of the time. Today was National Puppy Day so I posted a picture of Scrappy, I felt disloyal to Chico by doing so. Again, not fair to my poor Scrappy.
I miss Chico so much. I got paid on Friday and the first thing I did was, spend money that I REALLY don’t have, to get a rose plant for Chico’s grave, as well as a marker, and I got a memorial frame to put his picture in so that I can look at his beautiful face every day. I just have to remember that while Chico is gone, Scrappy is still here and he deserves my love too. I do love him so very much. I almost feel resentful towards him right now and I have NEVER felt that way about him before. I feel ashamed that I feel that way, but being honest is the only way to fix this. I believe it is my guilt that is causing this and of all of the things I need to get over, that is #1. My friends are telling me this, my family is telling me this, and poor little Scrappy’s face is telling me that. I love you my sweet Scrappy and I will be better soon. You deserve for me to be 100% present and I will be.
I will never forget Chico, I will love him and miss him forever. But I need to open my heart again to the sweet boy I have left.
Rest in Peace my Chico Boy, I will never ever forget you, and I will always love you. As your Memorial Stone says:
If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
Not A Minute To Waste 