Not A Minute To Waste

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My Idea of the Perfect Man.

Hugh Jackman    As I ease back into writing my blog I’ve decided to take it easy with some lighter topics. With what is going on in the world, especially this country right now, I wanted to keep to keep my subjects more benign for the moment. Although some may not find the subject of love benign.

The subject is more about what we consider to be our ideal partner and the reality of life. At my advancing age I’m not even looking for a partner, but if I was my PERFECT man would be Hugh Jackman. He is everything I could ever want he’s super hot, has a beautiful smile that lights up his eyes, has a great sense of humour, he’s got a great accent, he’s genuinely a nice guy, and he’s a great husband and father. Oh and he’s 6’2. What’s not to love? Now obviously, I don’t stand a chance. First off he’s devoted to his wife and I find that sexy as hell. There is nothing sexier than a man who loves his wife and is a great father. Also, given that looks wise he is so out of my league.

Now if I were to look for a partner at this stage of my life I’d still require a man with a great sense of humour, he has to make me laugh. That’s a must! Trust me humour and kindness can overcome a lot. Plus these days I need a man with intelligence who is aligned with me politically. Not because politics is so important, but because these days I am finding that my political views line up with my morals. I’d want a man who has common sense and deals in facts. I need stimulating conversation we don’t have to agree on everything but I crave someone who can talk about things and be respectful. In fact, I find that respect is sometimes even more vital than love. I’d want someone who is kind, has compassion, empathy, and loves animals.

So if anyone has noticed, I didn’t mention looks. Don’t get me wrong, if a man looks like a complete troll, doesn’t brush his teeth, has greasy hair, and never showers…well that’s a natural turn-off for anyone of either gender. I’m no beauty so I don’t expect a handsome man in the classic sense. However, a man with a beautiful smile will become infinitely more attractive to me. If he opens his mouth and has a sense of humour etc, he will become more attractive by the minute.

I remember vividly a girl I used to work with when I was in my late 20’s, she and I had a conversation that other people became involved in, in which her deal breaker was the guy HAD to be over six feet tall. I asked her, “So, if I guy has EVERYTHING you could ever want on your list but he was 5’11 you’d reject him?”. She said, “yes!”. The crazy thing was that pretty much everyone, including the guys, agreed with her! I was in shock and really hurt by some of the things that were said. I mean, height? Really? Something that a person has no control over? That was depressing. How superficial are we as a society that something like height can keep you from your dream mate? And of course being an unattractive woman means I have no chance. Lol Guys are especially bad when it comes to looks being super important. I tried to match up my ex-husband’s friend with a girlfriend of mine. She was beautiful and sweet but she was like 15 pounds overweight. Meanwhile, this guy was NOT attractive and 100 or more pounds overweight, he said no way. I was shocked! He would have been lucky to have been with her! But, with the exception of the girl I spoke of, most women (definitely not all) are not as hung up on looks. He did end up getting married to a thin, fairly attractive, woman (not as beautiful as my friend) his personality was pretty dull but he made a good amount of money so I figure it was easier for him with that going for him.

In conclusion, I guess my point is…don’t pass up a possible GREAT partner because they don’t conform to your physical ideal because looks fade what’s inside is something we have always been told is more important. It’s time to take that to heart if you want to be happy. Seriously if a person has everything else going for them they will become more attractive in time. I know because I’ve seen it happen. I was in love with someone I was not attracted to, but he was so kind to me and we had so much in common that in time he became more attractive to me. Love is elusive, not everyone is lucky enough to experience it. Lust is much more common and that can also turn into love. But it will not always sustain it.

So there ya go, my advice. Don’t be so damn picky!!!! If you find love, accept it, and nurture the hell out of it because it can be fleeting and can leave as quickly as it came. Cherish the one you love and if they are worth it, make it work with everything you have!

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Photo by Steshka Willems on Pexels.com

 

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I’mmmmm Back! Long time, no write…

Burn All The Things  It’s been a lot longer than I thought! But I am back, with a new wireless keyboard and everything! I’m not going to bore you with everything that has been going on since I left. Just suffice it to say, there has been a ton of stuff going on in my life. Some I may share later, who knows.

Right now I’m just going to check in and talk about a few things. Mostly short, I hope. I have had so much to say for so long, but life, n general, has become exhausting. The state of our country is of paramount concern to me and you KNOW I will be writing about it in the future. Right now, I just have way too much to say and I need to parse it in smaller parts.

As for my life, the only things I will share right now is that I have a new grandson as of 2 years ago. Yay! He reminds me so much of his daddy when he was that young.

I also found out several months ago that I have diabetes. It was inevitable that I’d get it. It runs deeply in my mother’s family. She was a long time diabetic as was her mother and at least 2 of her brothers. I actually lasted the longest as far as being so old at the time of diagnoses. But I’m doing very well keeping my blood sugar down, although it sucks sticking myself twice a day. My daughter jokes that I have track marks on the end of my fingers. LoL I’m mostly eating salads. You’d think I’d be losing a ton of weight, which I was, without even trying, until I got diagnosed. I want to exercise and I am to a small degree but with the heat being in the 100 degree range there is no walking at the moment. I do want to do other things, like swim but I’m having issues with the tendonitis in my shoulders. I will be seeing my doctor in September for my annual physical so I will wait until then to talk to her more in depth about it. I need to do something. I’m in pain every day. And I’ve been off of my prescribed painkillers for 6 months now. Yay! I quit on my own and it was not easy. I was not addicted, but I was definitely drug dependent, so I went through some withdrawals, which sucked! But I had tapered myself down in anticipation so it wasn’t near as bad as it would have been. That is definitely the way to go.  So I am in pain but it’s better than having to rely on such strong painkillers. What I need is a good anti-inflammatory. So hopefully my doctor can help me with that and some special exercises for my shoulders.

I am also working on a new book idea and I think it’s coming together really well! It will have humour as well as having meaning and hopefully a little romance as well. Doesn’t every book need a little humour and romance? I say yes! I will still be writing my other book(s) but this one I became inspired by reading another book. The books don’t really have anything in common but it just spurred my creative juices for some reason. So I’m happy about it. Now to save up money to purchase Scrivener Writing Software for Windows. I used to have it on my Mac, but I no longer have a Mac so I’m SOL. The software is $45 so I need to wait a while as I have a lot of saving to do!

Money wise, I’m not doing great, but it could be worse. I loaned my son some money when he was starting a new job so that we could pay rent and other bills. He’s paid some of it back but hasn’t made enough to make a payment in a month, His new job is confusing and it works on a weird commission system. I got my past electric bills paid off that were incurred when my daughter and her friend lived here. FINALLY! So hopefully things will eventually level out. I want to save to get a secured credit card, which costs $200. But it’s good to put a couple of small things on it that I pay for every month anyway and then pay it in full to restore my credit. So that’s what I’m working towards. Then I’d like to save for a car, that will take a year to two years, I’m sure. I have to try though, this being at home every day without the independence to go wherever I want, whenever I want is getting old. So wish me luck.

My best to all of you. I will, hopefully, have more interesting content to read later…

Here is a PREVIEW of subjects:

My experience with the homeless and the stigma of food stamps

What has happened to some of my friends in this “new” America?

Racism is out in the open and what we can do about it

Mental illness in those who thought it couldn’t happen to them

Where’s the compassion?

AND MORE! Buckle your seatbelts!


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Free Speech, The Confederate Flag Controversy, and Gay Marriage.

Blog Freedom of speech

I have a few things I’d like to say…
Looking at postings on Facebook and comments makes me want to totally unplug. I scratch my head how so many people have such opposite opinions and feelings about others opinions or how they PERCEIVE others opinions. I’d like to make my own opinions clear. I try my hardest to understand other people and what is going on in their heads. Too many of us seem paranoid. I look at some people on Facebook and see such negativity and their feelings of persecution, Others I see trying their hardest to combat this with expressions of positivity and love. So with all of this in mind, I offer my own opinions…
The decision of the Supreme Court regarding gay marriage is a positive one in my opinion. How can one feel negative about two people wanting to make the ultimate commitment of love? If this is against your religion, fine, don’t marry a gay person. YOU are not the judge, God is the ultimate judge, stop speaking as though you are God. And no, if a church doesn’t want to marry a gay couple, they don’t have to…just like they don’t have to marry some straight couples…there are plenty of churches who will marry them. So get that notion out of your head, there is NOTHING to indicate that a religious house of worship will be forced to marry gay couples. Marriage is a legal institution that is now open to same sex couples, this has nothing to do with religion no matter how much you want to make that argument. And no matter what Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and others of their ilk may think…this is the “darkest 24 hours” in our history. Anyone who thinks that really needs to brush up on history and stop being so melodramatic! The world will survive gay marriage and God will do what he always does and love us.

Free Speech-This is another subject being bandied about, some of it is tied to the confederate flag controversy. No, I do not like the confederate flag. Anyone who doesn’t understand how it could be offensive to others…well again, read up on your history. Do I think it should be flown above state houses? No. The only flags that should be flown above state houses are the United States Flag and the flag of the state in which you reside. Do I think the flag should be banned? No, but at the same time do not be surprised if people think certain things about you or assume things about you based on your flying or wearing of the confederate flag. The same goes for other flags such as the Nazi flag. These flags stand as a reminder and a symbol of some dark times in history. In this country we all have free speech, some seem to think it is a one sided thing. I assume that is based on their feeling that they can’t say what they want because so many others disagree. (see: gay marriage, flying of the confederate flag). None of this is true, it is a perception. The truth is that we ALL have free speech in this country. But there are consequences to opinions expressed in our free speech. Free speech does not mean that you can say anything you want and everyone will just keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves. Some will agree with you and some will not. You have EVERY right to say what you want, but others have EVERY right to disagree and act accordingly. That is the consequence of free speech. Not everyone will like what you say. I can give you an example…Donald Trump said some stupid ass stuff about Mexicans in his “I’m running for President” speech. Now he is suffering the consequences of that free speech. People are decrying the “political correctness” of people who are offended by things that others say. Are we no longer allowed to our feelings? Can we no longer feel offended without others accusing us of being offended by stupid things?

My point is that we all have the right to our feelings, to free speech, and to our religion or lack there of. What we don’t have the right to is forcing others to agree with us. So let’s pull on our big boy/girl pants and let others express their opinions as we express ours. Get mad if you want, I know I do! Don’t be afraid to disagree, but be polite about it. Don’t feel persecuted if others don’t share your views, that’s life, not all of us are going to agree. If you are in the minority because you think gay marriage is a sin or if you think flying the Confederate flag is hunky dory, well now you know how it feels. Perhaps you might dig up some empathy for those who used to be where you are. One of the purposes of life is to grow and change. We evolve as human beings. Our opinions should reflect that growth. If we have the same opinions now as we did when we were 18, then we aren’t doing it right. Life is all about the journey and all journeys have rough patches. This “new world” may be a rough patch for you, but I promise it will be worth it if you keep an open mind. We should be rejoicing in love not wallowing in hate. We should appreciate our differences, that is what makes life interesting.

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The Loneliness of Silence.

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 Right now my family is going through one of the worst times of our lives. Two of my children are dealing with two separate, but life or death, issues. The hardest part? Not being able to share it with most of my friends. Social media is an outlet for me in my daily life. Being a stroke victim who has been pretty much housebound for the majority of the last, almost, four years social media has always been where I hung out with my friends. Finding out what was going on in their lives and sharing what is going on in mine. But in this case I can’t and it is truly hard. I deactivated my Facebook account temporarily to keep myself from sharing what is going on as I am so emotional right now and angry too. But I do this for my kids sake not for mine.

You never know how much you depend on that contact with people until you don’t have it anymore. I am lucky that I have a few friends that have reached out to me and know what is going on, well as much as they can via text messages. I also have a friend that exchanges e-mails with me on a daily basis, sometimes more…usually more actually, that is helping me a lot. I just miss the contact of Social Media. But I am also off of it because it reminds me of things I may have lost. I also HATE it when I read a status that is so benign and ends with FML (Fuck My Life). Really??? A little disappointment and you feel as though your life is soooo bad? Buck up buttercup! Life can be so much worse, trust me and many of my friends who are going through much worse than some trivial disappointment. I KNOW I’m not the only one. So many of us go through things that others have no idea about. We don’t all put it out there. Even I haven’t put out EVERYTHING that I’ve been dealing with and I KNOW many of my friends haven’t as well. But trust me there are a ton of people who are going through stuff every day. Some of it not as bad and some of it worse. But all of it is important to us and affects us.

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  I have put out tons of stuff on social media, some I wish I hadn’t, but I take full responsibility for what I have. Right now not being able to scream to the world what is happening in my life is really, really hard. Not because I have a need for everyone to know but because some of it is such bullshit and I know that others would agree. I need that support to get through this. Thankfully I am getting through it with the help of some of my friends IRL (In Real Life). No one lives near me but thankfully the internet and texting makes it possible to keep in touch. But it is lonely going through such important things without one of my biggest outlets. Although I know it’s for the best, I still miss it. I will be back soon, just won’t be able to talk about what is going on and by then at least one of the things may be settled down a little bit so that I can refrain from posting about it. The other, I won’t post at all. That will be an ongoing issue in my family for awhile as it already has been. So until then, I will rely on e-mail and texting to get me through this crisis and then hopefully soon I can get back to bad memes and cat videos.

Social Media break


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Dreams Are Where My Hopes and Memories Live.

GrassDreaming

   Last night I had a dream. I couldn’t tell you what it was about. I have tried to write down my dreams but I completely fail at that. Part of the reason, I think, is because I don’t want it to end and when I’m talking about it or writing about it it seems to fade faster. One thing I can say is it was a good memory of my childhood.

   I am not the type of person to have nightmares. I don’t know why. It’s not that I haven’t had the occasional bad dream, but it is so rare for me. Any bad dream I have is a reality that is more like a memory than a dream. Like when my parents died, it was more like a bad dream because I wanted them to come back and they wouldn’t. I couldn’t even tell you if I’ve ever actually had a nightmare. I don’t recall having one, but then my memory is pretty shot these days. But bad dreams are based in reality so whenever I’ve had them there was always a reason. The one bad dream I remember having the most wasn’t so much a dream as it was a recurring scene whenever I tried to close my eyes. This was when I was 8 years old and had gotten run over by a car. Whenever I closed my eyes that night all I saw was the car backing over my leg, over and over again. I couldn’t sleep for a very long time that night.

   Most of my dreams now are weird, of course all dreams are weird aren’t they. But the best part about dreaming is that I can see my parents alive and well. That makes me happy. It makes it even harder to wake up and watch those dreams fade. Dreaming of good times, even if they aren’t actual memories, they feel like they are when I’m dreaming. I could spend eons interpreting my dreams. My old therapist once picked apart a dream for me to show me what they could mean. It really made a lot of sense. I’d love to have a “dream therapist”. I know that pretty much all dreams are as a result of some stimuli received throughout the day. It is our subconscious trying to make sense of something, to work something out. I have some recurring themes that I have yet to figure out, which I think I need a therapist for. I mean, sometimes it’s pretty obvious where certain elements come from. Sometimes it is a situation from something I watched on TV. Or something I was thinking about during the day. Other times, like my recurring dream of my ex-husband, his wife, and a business he and I used to own. I cannot for the life of me figure it out and even if I could, would it go away? They aren’t bad dreams, just mundane dreams of working at the business or sometimes just regular life. I also have a recurring bad dream of me not graduating from high school when IN FACT I did. Why???  Again, dream therapist needed!

   We all dream. Sometimes we remember parts of a dream and sometimes we remember nothing if it fades super fast. I really wish I could record my dreams and then play them back. Especially the ones with my family. Those are the best. I’ve also had the awesome fantasies that are along the lines of my hopes for the future. Some I just want to hold onto and never wake up. I don’t think I’m alone in wanting to stay asleep sometimes just to keep dreaming of a better life, be it the past or the future.

   Sweet dreams…..and if you know of a dream therapist, please let me know.


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Moral Query: Murder, or Killing with No Repercussions, Would You?

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   This is a new feature I’m trying on my blog. I will pose a moral question every so often. Please feel free to comment with your thoughts.

   IF you could get away with murder without any fear of punishment, without anyone knowing, and without your God condemning you for it, would you do it? If you remove all barriers from committing the act, would you still do it and be OK with it?

   Personally, I have given this a lot of thought. As a former student of Psychology, as well as Sociology and Cultural Anthropology, I have pondered these moral questions often. I have thought how I would answer this myself. At first thought, I would say “no way”. Killing is wrong, murder is especially heinous. This is MY moral compass. I think many of us would answer the same, unless you added some special circumstances.

   For instance; would you kill your rapist? Would you kill someone who hurt or killed a member of your family? Even with these circumstances, it is not always an easy question to answer if you give it some serious thought. I mean, taking a human life if not something to be taken lightly, and isn’t, by most of us. I mean, there are many people who would jump up and say, “hell yeah I’d do it!”. But would you really? The mental and spiritual repercussions are far reaching and complicated. When I say spiritual, I am talking about your soul or your conscience, not God necessarily. Remember, I said that God would basically be OK with it. So what would keep you from doing it. I posit that it is something deep down inside us that prevents us from killing each other. Obviously laws exist to deter us, but if that were enough in itself murder would be an anomaly, instead of a sad part of life in our country and in the world. The only people who could answer this question with a “hell yeah” and mean it, are Sociopaths and Psychopaths. To truly kill someone without remorse or regret one would be without conscience. Our conscience is what keeps us from complete chaos.

   To answer this question myself I had to really probe deep within myself to think if I would REALLY ever be able to kill another human being. I have thought of many scenarios, hell I’ve contemplated what it would feel like to kill my ex-husband a thousand times, But alas, I could never kill him, although he deserves it! LoL No, the only scenario where I could murder someone in cold blood without repercussion is one that involves my children. They are more important to me than anything and anyone. They are adults now but still I would give my life for theirs and protect them in any way that I can.

   My daughter was raped a couple of years ago and if I knew who he was and knew I could kill him and not be punished and no one would know? Oh yeah, he’d be a dead man. Would it mess with my head? Yes, it would…because I am human. Would I regret it? Nope. I don’t think so. Because he hurt my daughter and I am sure that she was not the first or last woman that he has hurt. So in his case, I think I could. What about you?

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Facebook Yard Sale Groups: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

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A couple of months ago a friend of mine turned me on to a yard sale Facebook group. Now keep in mind that my friend lives in Arizona and I live in California. I went to visit her and stayed for a month, helping her move and get settled in. The yard sale group was for the new small town she had moved to, a town of about 8,000 people, I sold things for her on this site and she has since bought quite a few things from this group. I was hooked while I was there! I even bought myself a pair of brand new name brand jeans for $15. This group is great, they always have interesting stuff for amazingly low prices. What’s even better? Most people deliver!!!! Know what else is great? They sell food and deliver that as well! Homemade bread, salsa, sandwiches, tamales, and so much more, all delivered to your door! What a great group! Everyone for the most part is nice and friendly as well.

Fast forward to me coming home from Arizona and deciding that I should join a group here in my fair city of over a half a million people, not including the surrounding community. What a rude awakening and what a vastly different experience. I knew it would be different, I just didn’t know the difference would be so extreme. I knew that it would be rare to find people who would deliver items for sale, I mean the geographic location alone is too vast for that, so no surprise there. I had to join 4 different groups, hoping to find a good one, again, understandable considering the difference in population. What I didn’t expect? Lack of control over what was being posted, rudeness, illegal items for sale (like food stamps and other questionable items), and the lack of interest or support of fellow group members. For instance, I had an item for sale, a popular cleansing shampoo. Most of the groups I posted this item on had no comments, but the one comment I received was: “Doesn’t work”. Wow, thanks for helping me make a sale (which is what I commented back to said person). I saw many posts where people were fighting, threatening each other, and being unbelievably rude. The experience has really turned me off to the yard sale groups in my city. I think my friends’ new community is an anomaly in Facebook yard sale groups. I know one thing for sure…if I took everything that I wanted to sell to her little town in Arizona, I would probably sell everything and have a good time doing it!

So, if any of you are thinking of starting a Facebook yard sale group, I’d recommend that you be a vigilant Administrator if you want it to be successful. Oh yeah and if you’re an Admin, don’t pin the items that YOU have for sale at the top of the group, that is rude and unfair to others. Just because you CAN do it, doesn’t mean you should.

So have fun! I hope that you have better luck in your city or town than I had in mine. And….

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