Not A Minute To Waste

About life. Anything and everything about it. Let's talk.


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Free Speech, The Confederate Flag Controversy, and Gay Marriage.

Blog Freedom of speech

I have a few things I’d like to say…
Looking at postings on Facebook and comments makes me want to totally unplug. I scratch my head how so many people have such opposite opinions and feelings about others opinions or how they PERCEIVE others opinions. I’d like to make my own opinions clear. I try my hardest to understand other people and what is going on in their heads. Too many of us seem paranoid. I look at some people on Facebook and see such negativity and their feelings of persecution, Others I see trying their hardest to combat this with expressions of positivity and love. So with all of this in mind, I offer my own opinions…
The decision of the Supreme Court regarding gay marriage is a positive one in my opinion. How can one feel negative about two people wanting to make the ultimate commitment of love? If this is against your religion, fine, don’t marry a gay person. YOU are not the judge, God is the ultimate judge, stop speaking as though you are God. And no, if a church doesn’t want to marry a gay couple, they don’t have to…just like they don’t have to marry some straight couples…there are plenty of churches who will marry them. So get that notion out of your head, there is NOTHING to indicate that a religious house of worship will be forced to marry gay couples. Marriage is a legal institution that is now open to same sex couples, this has nothing to do with religion no matter how much you want to make that argument. And no matter what Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and others of their ilk may think…this is the “darkest 24 hours” in our history. Anyone who thinks that really needs to brush up on history and stop being so melodramatic! The world will survive gay marriage and God will do what he always does and love us.

Free Speech-This is another subject being bandied about, some of it is tied to the confederate flag controversy. No, I do not like the confederate flag. Anyone who doesn’t understand how it could be offensive to others…well again, read up on your history. Do I think it should be flown above state houses? No. The only flags that should be flown above state houses are the United States Flag and the flag of the state in which you reside. Do I think the flag should be banned? No, but at the same time do not be surprised if people think certain things about you or assume things about you based on your flying or wearing of the confederate flag. The same goes for other flags such as the Nazi flag. These flags stand as a reminder and a symbol of some dark times in history. In this country we all have free speech, some seem to think it is a one sided thing. I assume that is based on their feeling that they can’t say what they want because so many others disagree. (see: gay marriage, flying of the confederate flag). None of this is true, it is a perception. The truth is that we ALL have free speech in this country. But there are consequences to opinions expressed in our free speech. Free speech does not mean that you can say anything you want and everyone will just keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves. Some will agree with you and some will not. You have EVERY right to say what you want, but others have EVERY right to disagree and act accordingly. That is the consequence of free speech. Not everyone will like what you say. I can give you an example…Donald Trump said some stupid ass stuff about Mexicans in his “I’m running for President” speech. Now he is suffering the consequences of that free speech. People are decrying the “political correctness” of people who are offended by things that others say. Are we no longer allowed to our feelings? Can we no longer feel offended without others accusing us of being offended by stupid things?

My point is that we all have the right to our feelings, to free speech, and to our religion or lack there of. What we don’t have the right to is forcing others to agree with us. So let’s pull on our big boy/girl pants and let others express their opinions as we express ours. Get mad if you want, I know I do! Don’t be afraid to disagree, but be polite about it. Don’t feel persecuted if others don’t share your views, that’s life, not all of us are going to agree. If you are in the minority because you think gay marriage is a sin or if you think flying the Confederate flag is hunky dory, well now you know how it feels. Perhaps you might dig up some empathy for those who used to be where you are. One of the purposes of life is to grow and change. We evolve as human beings. Our opinions should reflect that growth. If we have the same opinions now as we did when we were 18, then we aren’t doing it right. Life is all about the journey and all journeys have rough patches. This “new world” may be a rough patch for you, but I promise it will be worth it if you keep an open mind. We should be rejoicing in love not wallowing in hate. We should appreciate our differences, that is what makes life interesting.

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The Loneliness of Silence.

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 Right now my family is going through one of the worst times of our lives. Two of my children are dealing with two separate, but life or death, issues. The hardest part? Not being able to share it with most of my friends. Social media is an outlet for me in my daily life. Being a stroke victim who has been pretty much housebound for the majority of the last, almost, four years social media has always been where I hung out with my friends. Finding out what was going on in their lives and sharing what is going on in mine. But in this case I can’t and it is truly hard. I deactivated my Facebook account temporarily to keep myself from sharing what is going on as I am so emotional right now and angry too. But I do this for my kids sake not for mine.

You never know how much you depend on that contact with people until you don’t have it anymore. I am lucky that I have a few friends that have reached out to me and know what is going on, well as much as they can via text messages. I also have a friend that exchanges e-mails with me on a daily basis, sometimes more…usually more actually, that is helping me a lot. I just miss the contact of Social Media. But I am also off of it because it reminds me of things I may have lost. I also HATE it when I read a status that is so benign and ends with FML (Fuck My Life). Really??? A little disappointment and you feel as though your life is soooo bad? Buck up buttercup! Life can be so much worse, trust me and many of my friends who are going through much worse than some trivial disappointment. I KNOW I’m not the only one. So many of us go through things that others have no idea about. We don’t all put it out there. Even I haven’t put out EVERYTHING that I’ve been dealing with and I KNOW many of my friends haven’t as well. But trust me there are a ton of people who are going through stuff every day. Some of it not as bad and some of it worse. But all of it is important to us and affects us.

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  I have put out tons of stuff on social media, some I wish I hadn’t, but I take full responsibility for what I have. Right now not being able to scream to the world what is happening in my life is really, really hard. Not because I have a need for everyone to know but because some of it is such bullshit and I know that others would agree. I need that support to get through this. Thankfully I am getting through it with the help of some of my friends IRL (In Real Life). No one lives near me but thankfully the internet and texting makes it possible to keep in touch. But it is lonely going through such important things without one of my biggest outlets. Although I know it’s for the best, I still miss it. I will be back soon, just won’t be able to talk about what is going on and by then at least one of the things may be settled down a little bit so that I can refrain from posting about it. The other, I won’t post at all. That will be an ongoing issue in my family for awhile as it already has been. So until then, I will rely on e-mail and texting to get me through this crisis and then hopefully soon I can get back to bad memes and cat videos.

Social Media break


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Dreams Are Where My Hopes and Memories Live.

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   Last night I had a dream. I couldn’t tell you what it was about. I have tried to write down my dreams but I completely fail at that. Part of the reason, I think, is because I don’t want it to end and when I’m talking about it or writing about it it seems to fade faster. One thing I can say is it was a good memory of my childhood.

   I am not the type of person to have nightmares. I don’t know why. It’s not that I haven’t had the occasional bad dream, but it is so rare for me. Any bad dream I have is a reality that is more like a memory than a dream. Like when my parents died, it was more like a bad dream because I wanted them to come back and they wouldn’t. I couldn’t even tell you if I’ve ever actually had a nightmare. I don’t recall having one, but then my memory is pretty shot these days. But bad dreams are based in reality so whenever I’ve had them there was always a reason. The one bad dream I remember having the most wasn’t so much a dream as it was a recurring scene whenever I tried to close my eyes. This was when I was 8 years old and had gotten run over by a car. Whenever I closed my eyes that night all I saw was the car backing over my leg, over and over again. I couldn’t sleep for a very long time that night.

   Most of my dreams now are weird, of course all dreams are weird aren’t they. But the best part about dreaming is that I can see my parents alive and well. That makes me happy. It makes it even harder to wake up and watch those dreams fade. Dreaming of good times, even if they aren’t actual memories, they feel like they are when I’m dreaming. I could spend eons interpreting my dreams. My old therapist once picked apart a dream for me to show me what they could mean. It really made a lot of sense. I’d love to have a “dream therapist”. I know that pretty much all dreams are as a result of some stimuli received throughout the day. It is our subconscious trying to make sense of something, to work something out. I have some recurring themes that I have yet to figure out, which I think I need a therapist for. I mean, sometimes it’s pretty obvious where certain elements come from. Sometimes it is a situation from something I watched on TV. Or something I was thinking about during the day. Other times, like my recurring dream of my ex-husband, his wife, and a business he and I used to own. I cannot for the life of me figure it out and even if I could, would it go away? They aren’t bad dreams, just mundane dreams of working at the business or sometimes just regular life. I also have a recurring bad dream of me not graduating from high school when IN FACT I did. Why???  Again, dream therapist needed!

   We all dream. Sometimes we remember parts of a dream and sometimes we remember nothing if it fades super fast. I really wish I could record my dreams and then play them back. Especially the ones with my family. Those are the best. I’ve also had the awesome fantasies that are along the lines of my hopes for the future. Some I just want to hold onto and never wake up. I don’t think I’m alone in wanting to stay asleep sometimes just to keep dreaming of a better life, be it the past or the future.

   Sweet dreams…..and if you know of a dream therapist, please let me know.


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Moral Query: Murder, or Killing with No Repercussions, Would You?

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   This is a new feature I’m trying on my blog. I will pose a moral question every so often. Please feel free to comment with your thoughts.

   IF you could get away with murder without any fear of punishment, without anyone knowing, and without your God condemning you for it, would you do it? If you remove all barriers from committing the act, would you still do it and be OK with it?

   Personally, I have given this a lot of thought. As a former student of Psychology, as well as Sociology and Cultural Anthropology, I have pondered these moral questions often. I have thought how I would answer this myself. At first thought, I would say “no way”. Killing is wrong, murder is especially heinous. This is MY moral compass. I think many of us would answer the same, unless you added some special circumstances.

   For instance; would you kill your rapist? Would you kill someone who hurt or killed a member of your family? Even with these circumstances, it is not always an easy question to answer if you give it some serious thought. I mean, taking a human life if not something to be taken lightly, and isn’t, by most of us. I mean, there are many people who would jump up and say, “hell yeah I’d do it!”. But would you really? The mental and spiritual repercussions are far reaching and complicated. When I say spiritual, I am talking about your soul or your conscience, not God necessarily. Remember, I said that God would basically be OK with it. So what would keep you from doing it. I posit that it is something deep down inside us that prevents us from killing each other. Obviously laws exist to deter us, but if that were enough in itself murder would be an anomaly, instead of a sad part of life in our country and in the world. The only people who could answer this question with a “hell yeah” and mean it, are Sociopaths and Psychopaths. To truly kill someone without remorse or regret one would be without conscience. Our conscience is what keeps us from complete chaos.

   To answer this question myself I had to really probe deep within myself to think if I would REALLY ever be able to kill another human being. I have thought of many scenarios, hell I’ve contemplated what it would feel like to kill my ex-husband a thousand times, But alas, I could never kill him, although he deserves it! LoL No, the only scenario where I could murder someone in cold blood without repercussion is one that involves my children. They are more important to me than anything and anyone. They are adults now but still I would give my life for theirs and protect them in any way that I can.

   My daughter was raped a couple of years ago and if I knew who he was and knew I could kill him and not be punished and no one would know? Oh yeah, he’d be a dead man. Would it mess with my head? Yes, it would…because I am human. Would I regret it? Nope. I don’t think so. Because he hurt my daughter and I am sure that she was not the first or last woman that he has hurt. So in his case, I think I could. What about you?

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Facebook Yard Sale Groups: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

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A couple of months ago a friend of mine turned me on to a yard sale Facebook group. Now keep in mind that my friend lives in Arizona and I live in California. I went to visit her and stayed for a month, helping her move and get settled in. The yard sale group was for the new small town she had moved to, a town of about 8,000 people, I sold things for her on this site and she has since bought quite a few things from this group. I was hooked while I was there! I even bought myself a pair of brand new name brand jeans for $15. This group is great, they always have interesting stuff for amazingly low prices. What’s even better? Most people deliver!!!! Know what else is great? They sell food and deliver that as well! Homemade bread, salsa, sandwiches, tamales, and so much more, all delivered to your door! What a great group! Everyone for the most part is nice and friendly as well.

Fast forward to me coming home from Arizona and deciding that I should join a group here in my fair city of over a half a million people, not including the surrounding community. What a rude awakening and what a vastly different experience. I knew it would be different, I just didn’t know the difference would be so extreme. I knew that it would be rare to find people who would deliver items for sale, I mean the geographic location alone is too vast for that, so no surprise there. I had to join 4 different groups, hoping to find a good one, again, understandable considering the difference in population. What I didn’t expect? Lack of control over what was being posted, rudeness, illegal items for sale (like food stamps and other questionable items), and the lack of interest or support of fellow group members. For instance, I had an item for sale, a popular cleansing shampoo. Most of the groups I posted this item on had no comments, but the one comment I received was: “Doesn’t work”. Wow, thanks for helping me make a sale (which is what I commented back to said person). I saw many posts where people were fighting, threatening each other, and being unbelievably rude. The experience has really turned me off to the yard sale groups in my city. I think my friends’ new community is an anomaly in Facebook yard sale groups. I know one thing for sure…if I took everything that I wanted to sell to her little town in Arizona, I would probably sell everything and have a good time doing it!

So, if any of you are thinking of starting a Facebook yard sale group, I’d recommend that you be a vigilant Administrator if you want it to be successful. Oh yeah and if you’re an Admin, don’t pin the items that YOU have for sale at the top of the group, that is rude and unfair to others. Just because you CAN do it, doesn’t mean you should.

So have fun! I hope that you have better luck in your city or town than I had in mine. And….

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What To Do When You Don’t Feel Like Writing.

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    I’m having a super hard time getting motivated to write. Anne Rice recently asked her followers on Facebook “what gets in the way” of her fellow writers writing. One of the most overwhelming responses I saw, mine included, was laziness and/or motivation.

Some of us need to be in the mood to write. Do you know when I’m in the mood to write? When I get my best ideas? Right when I’m about to fall asleep. I think it is because it is the only time I am truly relaxed, just minutes before I fall asleep. I truly wish that some tech genius would come up with a device that I could have implanted in my brain that would record all of these great ideas. These recordings could then be transcribed in the morning. It would be amazing! I’d have a best seller and I’d blog every single day! I mean, seriously, I have several blog ideas AND book ideas just raring to go, some partially written. Not only that, but many of these ideas I write in my head as I fall to sleep. Now I know some of you will say, “Why don’t you just make a voice recording or keep a notepad by your bed to jot down these things.”. The reason I don’t? Because by the time these great ideas come to me I am so relaxed and too tired to do it. That is not to say that I haven’t tried, because I have. What inevitably happens is that I can’t speak, because I am so tired, or I can’t write, for the same reason. So get on that brain recorder you techies!!!! I have so many ideas to share with the world!!!!

Until the brain recorder is a reality I’ve now decided to just write every day. Sometimes my blogs will be fairly short, just to keep me going, and other times I may get inspired to write something more profound.

I actually have a specific blog subject to write about but the words aren’t coming today, which is why I am writing this instead. So I still have the subject and the idea in my head and when I’m ready to write it, I will. In the interim I am working on several books. Just last night and all day yesterday I was stuck on my main character’s last name. I don’t think that people realize how much goes into what may seem trivial. Think of it as my baby and I need to name her something that I like and that others will remember. I mean, you wouldn’t name your child something without thinking about it for awhile, right? So I have a character, a personality for that character, and her first name. The rest I am still working on and trust me when I say it is not easy. So I will think on this for another day, or however long it takes, until I have the name that speaks to me. In the meantime I will continue to hope that some brilliant techie and/or scientist comes up with my brain recorder idea. Please hurry!!!!


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Friends With Benefits, Booty Call, Dick Pic, Walk of Shame…4 Definitions That Were Subpar on The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore last night!

Comedy Central's "The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore" Makes Its Debut With Host, Executive Producer And Writer Larry Wilmore

   OK so I was watching last night’s episode of “The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore” and I found myself shaking my head during one of the “bits” they did during their panel discussion. Larry has 4 guests on the panel, Regina King, Jordan Carlos, Sabrina Julees, and Shenaz Treasury. He played a little game where he was an alien and each person had to describe what was basically a sexual term.

   Now anyone who knows these panelists knows that they range in age from their 20’s, I’m guessing, to their 40’s, not including Larry who is closer to my age of 53. Most of them seemed to hem and haw, or hmm and haa, through the definitions. None of them really got them right, except maybe Shenaz who received the term, “Dick Pic”. In any case I was just shocked. I mean we use these terms in society, do we really have different definitions for these terms? I mean to me most of these terms were quite easy to define, so I will go ahead with my definitions and if you disagree, please feel free to comment. And remember, this is all in fun. 😉

   OK lets start with one that is familiar to me because I had one for awhile…

   Friends with Benefits: This is a term used to describe friends who have sex with each other with no emotional attachment or relationship, other than friendship. Pretty simple and straightforward. Why this was so hard for Sabrina to explain I will never know. Seriously.

   Booty Call: Jordan got this question and really made his answer complicated and WRONG. A booty call is when a person calls another person, or texts them, or contacts them via Social Media and asks them to come over for the express purpose of having sex. That’s it.

   Dick Pic: Could have been answered a lot faster than Shenaz did and more succinct. A dick pic is a picture of a man’s penis, usually a picture that he took himself. Easy.

   Walk of Shame: This was perhaps the most thoroughly explained term that was 98% wrong! Regina King, WTF girl?!!! It is definitely not a term usually about college girls having sex, many times with more than one person, and then walking past everyone on the way out of the dormitory. LoL It is, in fact, a term used to describe a woman (sadly never used for men) who has sex with a man at his place, stays the night (uh-oh), and has to walk home in the light of day wearing the same clothes that she wore the night before. Sometimes this is obvious, as it could be dress clothes or night club clothes that she has to walk outside in. And yes, sometimes she may have to walk past the guys roommates, or worse, his kids. Oftentimes this is post Booty Call.

   So I hope that has enlightened those who have questions about these terms. I truly felt like they should  have known that and NO it certainly didn’t look like their lack of explanation was for the sake of the show. If so, that is sad because I LOVE this show! So I thought I’d become Professor Sexual Term for this blog post.

  So how was that for a change of subject matter for my blog?  I’ve been pretty depressed so I thought I this might be an unexpected change of subject. Please feel free to comment if you wish. Peace out!